The Power & Magic in Non Attachment

The Power & Magic in Non Attachment

Non Attachment has long been a Buddhist principle of letting go of material objects and worldy goods. On some levels, this is an extremely wise thing to do. It frees us from being emotionally affected by things external of ourselves. Each of the material items or even people we are attached to, form part of our identity. This muddles our identity however, because if we lose something or someone, we feel like we have lost a part of ourselves. To release ourselves and become non attached to people or things, allows us to become crystal clear on who we are and what we believe about ourselves & the world around us. It also gives freedom to those close to us to show up exactly as they are, with no expectation or control from our side. This allows honest, heartfelt communication and flow in our relationships.

It’s easy to see identity attachment on social media. Those that post profile pictures of themselves and their partner are often codependent in their relationship or have a large part of their identity wrapped up in their partner, so they lose a part of themselves in the coupling. Parents who post profile pictures of themselves with their child have become so attached to their role & identity as a parent, they may struggle to give their child the freedom to be who they are. There are those that post pictures of themselves with their car or house. If they were ever to lose those material assets, it would feel like a personal attack on their very being. Attachment creates a lot of problems within society and our own, unique identity. It is one of the reasons why so many struggle to know who they truly are. How many people say, when coming out of a long term relationship or when their kids leave home, ‘I don’t know who I am any more’?

Our ego mind is designed to keep us separate and safe. It is this part of our psyche that attaches to things as it doesn’t acknowledge that we are already part of everything and everyone. Energetically, we are One. Our ego mind tries to convince us that we are separate & disconnected. It’s why Non Attachment has been misconstrued in the West as it isn’t about becoming a hermit and locking ourselves away from society so we are attached to nothing and no one. Non Attachment isn’t anything to do with not feeling our emotions either. Our emotions don’t stop just because we choose to let something or someone go. We just relate to them differently, in a more empowering and positive way ~ which creates a positive, emotional vibration the Universe will echo back to us.

Energetic Non Attachment is more related to people’s behaviour or situations, although it can also apply to the above Buddhist principles too. It is the same energy. However, to view Non Attachment from an energetic perspective gives us the understanding & ability to take action easily ~ as opposed to feeling we have to let go of everything and everyone, which can be overwhelming to consider. It’s about letting go of the programs or emotions that cause us discomfort or pain around how we want life or people to show up. We step into acceptance. There is a difference.

When we become attached to how someone shows up in our life or how we want a certain situation to turn out ~ we trap that person or situation in the energy of ‘expectation’. This cage of energy actually prevents that person or situation from shifting in a different direction as it is held firmly in place by our attachment.

Energetically, our expectation is a form of control and control comes from a place of fear, which rarely works in our favour. That energetic cage limits the Universe’s ability to bring in different outcomes ~ outcomes that nearly always turn out better than those we had originally attached to.

Letting go of attachment opens up the energy, creating a path of ultimate possibility. The Universe then serves us what is in our highest rather than serving us what we desire based on our programs or ego.  Through working with Duke Sayer and using The Sayer Method, I have learned the art, power and magic of Non Attachment. Huge thanks to him for this gift!

Recently, my partner and I were clashing as I had a deep seated need to be understood. That is quite a big ask, given the life experience I’ve had and what I do for a living ~ and that I don’t even understand myself fully either! My partner is the opposite of me ~ he is as non spiritual, non psychological and non woo woo as you can get! The feeling persisted however. I couldn’t fully ‘trust’ my partner as he ‘didn’t understand me’, which left me feeling bereft. My ego was being very clever and attaching to the desire to be understood ~ which left me feeling separated and alone in my relationship. Bless my ego for trying to keep me safe!

So, I leaned into the feelings of frustration and hurt – sat in the emotions, feeling very tearful & sorry for myself. The little girl in me felt sad, misunderstood and painfully lonely. She couldn’t understand why it was so hard for the people that loved her the most, her own family, to understand her. I sat and recalled lots of times I’d felt misunderstood as a child ~ and there were 100s. When we are left with a psychological pattern or program as strong as this, it requires a deep technique to get to the heart of it. So ​I ​used The Sayer Method to process​ that heavy emotion of being misunderstood. A process is a bit like a guided meditation, in which our subconscious and emotions work together to release past programs and pain. It took me back to many different times in my childhood when it felt acutely painful to be misunderstood.

I was born an empath​, but never knew or understood that until recently​ as I shut myself down as a teenager and from that point on, had no awareness of it. It was a skill/gift that came back in full force aged 28, but up until recently, I figured it had just been part of my awakening as an adult. Little did I know, I was actually born this way. My mind had blanked it all out, literally wiped that part of myself from my conscious awareness. Being an empathic child with absolutely no one to guide me was incredibly painful and confusing. It wasn’t my parents fault, no one had heard of empathic children in the early 70s. I was a gentle, dreamy, sensitive little girl and the world was very harsh, so I created a huge defence system in order to survive. As a child, I not only felt my own emotions, but those of everyone close to me. A child cannot discern what is theirs and what isn’t, so I turned ALL of the emotions I could feel on me​, taking them all on as my own.

My parents couldn’t understand their highly empathic, emotional child who could quietly feel the truth of them & their broken selves and relationship whilst she sat making sandcastles on the beach. I didn’t understand myself either – ​​which is still a magical discovery process.​ Everything felt lonely, confusing and overwhelming. Instinctively I knew I was different, but was too scared to be able to voice it. Through conducting a few processes as mentioned above, I gained the understanding of the part of my childhood that was missing. I was able to clear the energy, to have compassion, understanding and forgiveness for my parents as they did the best the could and I was different in a way few were aware of at that time. Most importantly, I forgave myself and comforted the little girl in me. She had also done the best she could.

It took a few weeks for things to settle in, but when the clarity and awareness clicked in fully, I took action and let go of the attachment to my partner understanding me. Whether he did or didn’t no longer mattered. I understood myself​, he understood when something was important to me​ and that was enough.

Within days, I nearly fell over when we sat down for a chat and he spoke the words ‘I really want to understand you Kris’?? I laughed, swore a bit, then breathed deeply into my heart and started to speak.​ I now understood myself, so could explain things with more simplicity & clarity​​.​ We were able to clearly communicate, understand each other and connect on a deeper level. In letting go of the attachment, I also let go of the ego construct of separation. It felt absolutely amazing to finally be held, accepted, heard and understood by my partner.

The Universe served us the highest potential of energy as a couple ~ through doing the work to get to that place of Non Attachment. It’s not a case of just letting something go. We have to figure out why we’re attached to it in the first place, to clear the energy or emotions around that and THEN move into a place of true Non Attachment. It truly sets us & others free, creating space for amazing results.

Kudos to my partner too. His desire to understand and through that understanding, to step up for himself, ​carried forwards. It ​resulted in our attending a self awareness event as a couple​ for the first time​ a few weeks ago. Lee asked to come to the event I was attending. I had no attachment to it whatsoever and agreed. A week before the event, he had an ego wobble and decided he wasn’t going to come. I had no attachment to it whatsoever and agreed. In the end, he did decide to come and we had the most amazing weekend connecting with like minded people. Everyone welcomed and accepted him wholeheartedly. Never in a million years did I imagine that would EVER happen and am incredibly proud of my man for taking a leap of faith & participating in something so alien to him. Non Attachment works. You’ll always get what serves your highest good. If I had been attached to Lee’s decision, the control would have kicked in, I would have negatively influenced his decision/experience/the energy and it would not have ended up as positively as it did for us as a couple.

The best crystals to work with in practising Non Attachment are Blue Kyanite as it is also known as St. Micheal’s Sword, which cuts through ego, illusion and negative energy, cleansing and clearing our system, whilst bringing in our highest truth. Amphibole or Brandberg crystals are fab for harnessing transformational energy and bringing us the awareness we need to let go. Shungite and Smoky Quartz are extremely helpful to keep clearing our energy system of anything that is released, whilst drawing in positive energy afterwards. If your attachment links back to your inner child, I highly recommend using one of the above in combination with Pink Botswana Agate, Rose Quartz, Scolecite or whatever crystal you find comforting on an emotional level.

With love and brightest of blessings

Krissy

XXX

 

Comments

  1. Maliha says

    Thank you very much for that Kristy, I really needed to read about that right now!

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