Trust. It’s a biggie!
Some of us were brought up in stable, honest, open families where trust was taught and upheld from an early age.
It is proven that whilst we are growing up, we mimic and learn the patterns and behaviours we see in our parents. They teach us what trust is all about ~ but unfortunately, that is not the case for all children. Some are shown terrible examples of relationships and trust, which makes it difficult for them to trust anyone or anything as adult. Our upbringing denotes whether we were taught how to trust in a healthy way.
Some of us have great childhoods and are very trusting, only to venture out into the big, wide world to then experience dishonesty or betrayal from the people we interact with. This can cause huge upset and confusion as we just aren’t used to such deep and painful feelings. Betrayal is one of the most deeply disturbing and emotionally difficult experiences we process as human beings ~ it’s on a par with grief!
Some of us trust in a higher power, we have faith in or talk to a certain God ~ then something happens that shatters the belief that ‘all is as it is meant to be’ or ‘this is all part of God’s plan’ and it sends us into a whirlwind of doubt and uncertainty.
Maybe we’ve been dishonest ourselves, betraying those we love or deliberately lying in order to gain or control something. We don’t feel we deserve the trust of other people as deep inside, we feel bad and unworthy.
On some level, in some way, we have all had our sense of trust and our belief systems rattled.
Trust. It’s a biggie!
So what do we do when our trust is broken? How do we handle the emotions that arise from being lied to, betrayed or deeply hurt? Those are a LOT of emotions to process and deal with. How do we overcome such a negative experience and learn to trust again? Why should we?
Firstly, we need to ensure that we are being 100% honest with both ourselves and others. Dishonesty is (usually) based on fear and low self-esteem/confidence~ if we acknowledge & take action on our need to gain more confidence and if we share our fears with others so they lessen their power over us, then we can begin to be more honest in our relationships.
Secondly, we must start with the SELF and learn to trust ourselves.
Think about it, when we are fooled by another, when we are hurt or betrayed by another, who do we blame when we’re sat alone late at night? 9 times out of 10, we blame ourselves for being a fool, for not listening to our intuition or not listening to the advice of those whom love and support us. We blame ourselves for letting things slide, for not being good enough, slim enough, pretty enough or interesting enough!
Trust in other people and in the challenges we ALL face during our lives is not gifted to us from the outside world ~ if we haven’t been taught it during a healthy childhood, then the only place it can come from is within.
Trust is not about other people, it is about US and how we much we trust our own intuition, our own thoughts and feelings. If we can learn to trust that little voice of guidance & intuition that is inside ALL of us and act on that guidance, we can then learn to trust other people and the bigger picture behind our experiences. It is important that we know the difference between our mind whispering paranoia and fear due to past experiences and our gut intuition trying to warn us. One is simply in our heads, the other is very much real.
So we must learn to trust ourselves first…….and learn to forgive ourselves too as we won’t always get it right. Our inherent nature as human beings is to trust. We are born trusting and are taught mis-trust by the world that shapes us into adults. We can just as easily retrain ourselves ~ it takes time and effort, but it’s very much worth it. After all, no relationship, no matter what kind (romantic, family, business, work) can survive in a healthy, supportive way if there is no trust between two people.
Run through the following and see how each point makes you feel:
- Focus on the fact that as you are, you are amazing. Just because someone chose to disrespect you doesn’t make you any less of a person. When someone is dishonest, it is about their low self-esteem and fear, not yours. Sometimes people let us down, it’s a sad fact, but we’re OK. Life goes on.
- Focus on yourself. Don’t enter another relationship or friendship with a view that you can’t trust people or it will never work. Never! Use positive affirmations such as ‘I trust myself, my feelings and my intuition’ and make sure to change your thought processes if you catch yourself thinking negatively. Actually stop yourself dead in your tracks and force yourself to think of something positive, something that gives a glimmer of good feeling inside.
- Focus on what you DO want, not on what you don’t want. If you don’t want untrustworthy experiences, then ensure that you are trustworthy yourself and keep focusing on what you DO want in your life. This will ensure good people and good experiences are drawn to you.
- LISTEN TO YOURSELF. Our intuition is an inexplicable thing, it cannot be measured by science, but it is there, inside each and every one of us. Learn to listen to it and learn how to use it wisely. Our intuition is our inbuilt security system. It is designed to protect and guide us in the right direction. If you don’t think you can hear that inner voice, take a class, sign up for a workshop, do something to develop the skill as it is present in us ALL. Once your intuition has developed enough to be able to identify what it is saying (ie. you know you’re hearing your inner voice guiding you as opposed to a million different thoughts tumbling round your head!), the next step is learning how to TRUST it. How can we possibly trust anyone else if we do not listen to and trust ourselves?
- Remember that the emotional energy we give out, is what get back. If we believe people are untrustworthy and become fearful, then that is what we will attract to us. Like a moth to a flame. We will always be analysing and investigating our friends or partners and will find reasons not to trust them, even when reasons don’t exist. Our reality is the manifestation of what we think/feel/believe and if our core belief is that people aren’t trustworthy, we will ensure we dig and poke at every person and relationship to prove ourselves right, probably destroying it along the way.
There are various crystals I would recommend using when working with Trust Issues. These can be worn as jewellery, kept in a pocket or bra or popped under a pillow at night when we sleep. Larger pieces can be placed on a bedside table.
Crystals for Deepening Trust
Natural Citrine ~ for self confidence, self esteem
Danburite ~ unlocks any barriers we have against ourselves or from childhood, so we can truly see and accept ourselves as we are
Morganite ~ restores trust in ourselves, in the divine and in the bigger picture
Black Tourmaline ~ so we feel safe within ourselves, protected from the energy of others
Howlite ~ great to work through anger at others or ourselves
Trust isn’t easy for many people, but it is something we must all work at and make an effort to either learn or in the case of broken trust, learn to overcome. None of our relationships, not with our work colleagues, our friends, our family, our children or our partners will be healthy if we cannot trust each other.
Trust is at the core of all good relationships ~ many people think that a good relationship is based on love, but that isn’t true. We don’t love many people we relate with, but quite often, we might need to trust them. We trust that the bank teller will give us the correct money, we trust the guide on our hiking trip to know what he is doing, we trust the bus driver to get us home safely. When you stop and think about it, we have little interactions of trust on a daily basis throughout our lives. People who have severe trust issues will struggle even with these small, daily interactions and probably exhibit a high level of nervous energy or anxiety, because their issue is being challenged in small, subtle ways every time they interact with the world! If someone suffers from anxiety, I will always discuss their thoughts & feelings around trust, as quite often, lack of trust is the core issue.
So when learning to trust again, we should start slowly. Spend time alone and learn to hear our intuition & start to listen to it’s guidance. We must learn to listen to ourselves and trust that gut feeling ~ or even if it’s just a nagging sensation at the back of our mind ~ LISTEN and ACT on it.
Start to TRUST yourself and you will in turn begin to trust those around you.
With much love and blessings