Self-confidence is something the majority of us have struggled with at some point in our lives.
Being confident gives us the ability to have a realistic view of ourselves and others. We know & can admit our limitations and yet still stand up for what we believe in. Having an accurate sense of self-confidence prevents us from being reckless and also allows us to view challenges with excitement or curiosity rather than being paralysed by fear.
Our degree of self-confidence is based on our ability to trust or have faith in ourselves and our abilities whilst self-esteem is the opinion we have of ourselves. People can be quite confident, but still lack self-esteem.
We all have different parts of ourselves. Who we are one to one with a girl friend may be different to who we are when we hang out with a group or with the guys. Some of us are confident at work, but are very sensitive, shy and hesitant in our close, personal relationships. That’s me right there! Some people are confident within their own home & family dynamic (ie. with their own partner & children), but struggle to be themselves when they’re with their parents or at a larger, social family gathering. Some are confident in their levels of intelligence and logic, whilst they may struggle when expressing their feelings and discussing emotions. Others are confident in most areas of their lives, but I’ve met many who then lack confidence when it comes to spiritual development & using their intuitive gifts. All of these different parts of our ‘selves’ make up our psychology and personality as a complete whole.
Children and teens in particular struggle with a huge variety of self-esteem and confidence issues, particularly as today’s society and media focus so much attention on unrealistic images of celebrities and the stories of their lives. Is it any wonder the younger generations are struggling with mental health issues such as depression, eating disorders and self-harming? They are being taught by the media that to be beautiful, to be accepted, to be loved, they have to live up to the image and life of a small minority of people instead of discovering how amazing they are themselves.
Older generations rarely experienced any of these issues as children because life was harder, simpler and more real back then! People experienced their life through BE-ING and DO-ING. In today’s society, younger generations are experiencing the majority of their lives through the mind via school and technology. It is leaving their hearts, physical body and other senses devoid of proper stimulation! Some kids are just born confident, but most have to learn it along the way and nearly all teens struggle with low self-confidence and low self-esteem at some point!
Today, 17 million children worldwide have been prescribed psychiatric drugs. More than 10 million of those live in the USA and were given addictive stimulants, anti-depressants or psychotropic (mind-altering) drugs for educational and behavioural purposes! The statistics are scary (Click For Source).
Whether young or old, none of us is ever 100% confident all of the time. There are so many new experiences, thoughts and feelings to process throughout our lives. We are constantly being exposed to new ideas of what is right or wrong, what is good or bad, what is acceptable and what is not….the stimulus and influx of new information never stops. At some point, we’re going to feel unsure of ourselves. If we aren’t exposed to the real world very much as children and taught how to process and manage life experiences, chances are we’ll lack confidence and self esteem as an adult. If we experience abuse on any level as a child, whether physical, emotional or psychological, again, it deeply affects our ability to feel confident later in life.
On an energetic level, how we care for ourselves & others, responsibility for making decisions, sensitivity to criticism, our ability to trust either ourselves or the outside world, our self-confidence, self-esteem, self-respect and self-belief ~ all of these things reside in the Solar Plexus Chakra.
On a physical level, struggle or challenge with anything listed above can cause short term stomach upsets, constipation, the runs, gastric problems or problems with the pancreas, gall bladder, kidneys, liver, spleen, adrenal glands, renal system or the middle of our spine. In the long term, we’ll often develop digestive illnesses such as IBS, Crohns, Bowel Cancer or renal system issues. It’s not the case every time of course, but if anyone is experiencing these types of illness, it’s worth taking a look at what might be going on in their lives and talking to them about the level of responsibility they have, how in control or confident they feel, whether they are truly being themselves and whether they may be giving up their personal power to others.
Self-confidence and positive self-esteem can be learned at any age! We have to change our thoughts about ourselves and also give ourselves time as we cannot learn new ways of behaving overnight. The most important thing is to break any old, negative thought patterns and develop new, positive ones. This isn’t an easy task given those negative thought patterns have probably been ingrained in our minds since childhood ~ many people are so used to having low confidence or self-esteem that they don’t feel they could ever change. NOT TRUE! Even learning how to listen to and deal with the negative thoughts has a huge impact on how we feel about ourselves and our ability to manage life.
Crystals can help every step of the way. They are a perfect, easy to use, affordable tool to boost and support us if we choose to work on our levels of confidence sand self-esteem ~ or to simply provide a boost when we’re temporarily feeling a little unsure, such as taking an exam, meeting new people socially, going for a job interview etc. For general lack of confidence in ourselves, I’d recommend wearing or carrying crystals over the long term (several months) until we feel ourselves starting to make positive changes in our lives. If you’re just looking for a short term boost or bit of support, simply pop a tumblestone in your pocket or bra 🙂 You could also build a Confidence Crystal Grid using a mixture of the recommended crystals below, or whatever you are drawn to at the time. Click Here to read my simple guide on Creating a Crystal Grid.
The list below suggests various crystals for different situations. These suggestions are from my own personal experience of working with these crystals & clients over the past decades, but you should always trust your gut instinct. Hold the thought in your mind that you would like a crystal to help you gain more confidence and develop a more positive opinion of yourself….then see what you are drawn to. Even if it isn’t on the below list, that doesn’t matter…..it’s listening to your own intuition and finding out what works for YOU that is important:
|Crystal||For Confidence In.......||Type of Energy|
|Natural Citrine||Yourself||Masculine, but high, sparkly energy. Focuses us inward rather than on externals, so we do the work needed to strengthen the Solar Plexus. Particularly good when learning how/why we have given our power away. Teaches us to trust both ourselves and the bigger picture.|
|Tiger's Eye||Yourself||A slightly muted masculine energy that works slowly over time. Great for young boys in particular as it brings a gentle strength & determination with it.|
|Ruby||Relationships & Creative Experiences||Energising, passionate, motivational energy. Great for more confidence in relationships or where we need some confidence to bring forth creative ideas.|
|Lapis Lazuli||Exams or Job Interviews||Strong masculine energy that brings in logic & clear thinking. Makes us mentally confident.|
|Hematite||Challenging Situations||Very grounding, stabilising and strengthening.|
|Carnelian||Family Situations||A gentle blend of energies that is stabilising, supportive, calming and allows us to detach from situations so we can see them clearly, without high emotion.|
|Blue Lace Agate||Public Speaking||Very light, feminine energy that deeply soothes the nervous system & allows us to overcome shyness|
|Blue Kyanite||Your Spiritual Connection||Clears the auric field, aligns our energy system/chakras and creates a protected, open space in which we can clearly trust what we are intuiting and speak openly & honestly.|
|Black Tourmaline||Knowing You Are Protected||Strong, masculine energy that deflects negativity. Good for those who feel bullied or that their confidence is crushed by others.|
You can also try these suggestions to help yourself begin:
- Stop judging yourself by what has happened in the past.
- Forgive yourself and others for any mistakes that have been made in the past. Holding on to feelings of anger, resentment, disappointment, guilt or betrayal uses up a LOT of energy as they are powerful emotions to fuel. The sooner you can release them and move on, the more chance you have of gaining confidence & feeling better about yourself. Click Here to read my informative blog on finding Forgiveness.
- Set realistic goals and work slowly, but surely towards achieving them.
- Focus on what you DO want rather than what you don’t want.
- Focus on your strengths rather than beating yourself up for things you aren’t very good at.
- Stop comparing yourself to others. You are unique so it is a complete and utter waste of energy as there is no one else like you out there!
- Look into NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming). It is the easiest method to use to get rid of old thought patterns and replace them with new ones. It does not require us digging around in our past, reliving past trauma or coping with overwhelming emotions. It is very logical and science based and has helped me more than anything else!
- Look into EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique or tapping). Using this alongside NLP has the most amazing results! The confidence you’ll gain from taking control, from learning how to rewire your thought patterns and release unwanted emotions is immeasurable!
- If lack of self-confidence and low self-esteem is due to severe childhood trauma, seek a qualified and preferably recommended psychotherapist. They are trained to deal specifically with childhood trauma.
I can whole heartedly recommend all of the above because I have learned them myself and still use them today. I have undergone NLP, EFT, Inner Child work and two separate blocks of long term counselling over the past decade. It’s not easy, but it absolutely works and you’ll meet some incredible people along the way. I’m still a little shy in my close relationships, preferring to be practical and outgoing than show my more girlie, vulnerable, softer side ~ but we’re all a work in progress!
I also still wear or carry Natural Citrine and Blue Kyanite on a weekly basis as they make me feel strong, confident, connected, clear minded and honest.
Love and blessings, Krissy XXX
Photo Credit: Roberto Forzoni, thank you for your stunning work 🙂