During the highly erratic energetic times we are currently all experiencing, an extremely good skill to learn is how to detach ourselves from a situation and simply witness it. This skill can be used in any area of our lives, but is particularly useful in our relationships. If we have wounds from our past or from our childhood, then there are likely to be certain things that trigger our emotions.
Have you ever thought to yourself ‘I’m not going to give in and argue this time’ only to become embroiled and angry/upset as soon as someone pushes the right buttons? The minute we slip, get caught up in the drama and let our emotions become involved…….. then we’re back into the chaos! It is usually the concept of ‘me’ or ‘mine’ that causes us to become embroiled in drama. Our pain, our betrayal, something of ours being threatened, taken away or disrespected. Detachment/Witnessing is a simple way out of this sort of cycle.
Detachment means disconnecting, in our mind, from whatever we are seeing, hearing, thinking, enjoying, or suffering. It is as if we step outside ourselves and watch our relationships, conflicts, fears, issues or challenges from a distance, effectively becoming a witness rather than a participant. With practice, the overwhelming emotions, feelings of hurt and jumble of chaotic thoughts involving our past or whatever we have been through will slowly ease in intensity and fade away. Just like any new skill, it takes time to learn, but once we have learned how to detach, we can do so any time we choose. It is my strong belief that our mind should work FOR us, not the other way around.
Detachment in our mind is the first step ~ whether our mind is quiet or full of thoughts, the aim is to separate from that so that it is ‘not us’. We are simply an observer watching the antics & behaviour as if we were watching someone else. We do not ‘own’ what is going on, it no longer relates to us. Detachment teaches us to not identify with anything on a personal level.
Detachment is not about you owning or feeling nothing. It’s about no object or feeling owning you!
A simple way to start practising Detachment of the mind is to sit somewhere where you can quietly watch the world go by. If you choose to go outside, calmly look around you and connect to where you are ~ simply witness. Watch the people, plants, trees, cars passing by and birds ~ slowly take in as much of the world around you as you can ~ on all levels.
Sight, sound, scent, touch etc. If you’re sitting on a park bench, smell the grass, feel the wood of the bench, listen to the birds and really look at things with curiosity, but do not allow your mind to wander off into memories or to distract you with thoughts. Our minds are very quick to judge, but when we are in a detached state, there is no judgement ~ we simply surrender to ‘what is’ and observe all of our thoughts & actions without beating ourselves up or making anyone or anything ‘wrong’.
This allows the mind to achieve the clarity and freedom required for detachment. If you’d rather try this at home, look around the room you are in as if you are seeing it for the first time. See everything clearly and each item or piece of furniture exactly as it is. Try to prevent your mind from making any comments or having any emotional feeling toward anything. Simply be a witness ~ you are there to observe only, not to feel anything.
When you can witness external things in a completely detached manner, with no racing thoughts, judgement or personal involvement, you will find you can close your eyes and look at any worries, concerns or painful memories calmly and clearly in exactly the same way.
When you can witness people, events, and things in the outer world with complete calm and clarity, you will find you can easily witness the play of your mind and emotions too ~ for many, this may the first time you’ve experienced this and it is an odd experience ~ I personally find it fascinating 🙂
We must then learn how to detach emotionally. We are generally driven by our emotions and subconscious impulses and it can feel very unnerving letting go of an emotion that drives us such as passion, betrayal, justice or pain. Detaching emotionally is a harder than detaching mentally, but once we have mastered how it works in our mind, it becomes easier to implement it with our feelings. Our desire to detach should be driven by the need to understand & change the outcome of negative situations or cycles ~ rather than the need to be heard or to win.
When using detachment during heated discussions or times of conflict, it feels like we have been set free ~ we stay calm, we stay in control, we remain in our adult persona and we handle things from a much healthier state of being.
Learning detachment is a new way of be-ing. However, it does take effort, time and regular practice. We need to process, feel and experience life on all levels, so detachment should not be used as a way of ‘not feeling’ or ‘not reacting’, but a way of becoming more aware of how we’re actually behaving, processing and responding to the world around us. This insight gives us information into why our behaviour or emotions may be overwhelming and gives us clues as to how we can deal with that in the most honest & healthiest way. We can facilitate change through calm and empowerment rather than chaos and victimisation.
The detachment/witnessing process I’m discussing here is about Awareness rather than Avoidance. We surrender to what ‘is’ rather than trying to control or manipulate people or events. It helps us to remain in our adult state of mind rather than reducing us to childlike behaviour & emotional reactions.
Recommended crystals to use when learning Detachment are those that are high energy. They literally help to raise our vibrations up and above a situation in order that we can see the bigger picture ~ or at least see our part in it (as it always takes two!). Blue Kyanite, Black Tourmaline, Herkimer Diamonds, Nirvana Quartz, Amphibole, Brandbergs, Shungite, Black Obsidian or Phenacite are good choices. Any crystal that works to raise your vibrations, whilst still keeping you calm and in control are the ones to go for.
There is no point using a crystal that makes you spacey, giddy or zone out as it won’t work for Detachment. You may need to experiment with a few crystals, one to raise your vibrations and another to help the mind with clarity & focus (Fluorite, Lapis Lazuli, Blue Topaz, Blue Obsidian) or to help soothe emotions (Iron Rose Quartz, Nzuri Moyo, Morganite, Scolecite etc).
Experiment and play with different combinations and crystals until you find what works for you. I recommend using Black Tourmaline as a constant whilst learning Detachment ~ not only does it deflect other’s negativity back at them & offer us great protection/grounding, it also directs any negativity toward’s ourselves away from us. As someone whom has an extremely strong self sabotage mechanism, I find Black Tourmaline to be one of the most helpful and support stones in the Mineral Kingdom.
Learning to become more aware through detachment/witnessing has helped me more than most other skills in life 🙂 It’s not easy, it takes effort and practice, but it is achievable and once learned, becomes a skill that is literally a life changer!
Have a wonderful day
Love & Brightest of Blessings